WSSID Ch 7 - Pt IV: Spiritual Surgery 101

The metaphor of spiritual surgery is a helpful one when it comes to dealing lovingly with sin in our spouse.

Matthew Henry once said, “The three qualifications of a good surgeon are requisite in a reprover: He should have an eagle’s eye, a lion’s heart, and a lady’s hand; in short, he should be endued with wisdom, courage, and meekness. 

This great Puritan had struck upon a wonderful metaphor. Reproof—the means by which a Nathan reaches into the soul of one trapped in sin to bring the ministry of reconciliation—is a lot like surgery. Both require care, wisdom, and precision, as well as a delicate and determined hand. (121)

Now, if and when you go in for spiritual surgery…

• Don’t assume you see everything with perfect clarity 
• Don’t just cut blindly. 
• Ask questions, don’t assume motives and make accusations. 
• Like every good surgeon, do some good diagnostics and testing.

Harvey gives us some good diagnostic questions on pages 124-126 (emphasis mine):

• Have I prayed for God’s wisdom and acknowledged my need for his help in serving my spouse?

o   In prayer we are reminded of our surgical limitations—we can operate, but we cannot heal; we can speak, but we cannot convict concerning sin. Only God can do that (John 16:8).

• Are my observations based upon patterns of behavior or merely a single incident?

• Am I content to address one area of concern, even if I’m aware of several?

o   The kids still need to be fed and the bills paid while we struggle through our brokenness. It can be discouragingly hard to focus on more than one area of growth at a time. A good surgeon keeps that in mind.

• Am I committed to making incisions no larger than absolutely necessary?

• Am I prepared to humbly offer an observation rather than an assumption or conclusion?

o   You and I will never have perfect insight into our spouse’s heart. … Thus, the most helpful surgery is often exploratory. Similarly, the most helpful reproof frequently comes in the form of open (not leading) questions, because questions create the dialogue that invites more penetrating observations.

• Is my goal to promote God’s truth or my preference?
  

Let's milk this surgery metaphor for all it's worth. Good surgeons don’t stop after the initial incision. They don't leave the patient open and bleeding on the table. They carry the procedure all the way through to completion, stitch you up when they're done, visit you in post-op, and have you come back in for follow-up!

A second kind of courage is also necessary for the spiritual surgeon. If the first kind is like the boldness needed to begin surgery—running a scalpel across sterilized flesh to open the first incision—the second kind of courage keeps you at work for as long as it takes to finish, and then keeps you caring and engaged through the recovery period as well. This is the courage that commits to staying involved in personal ministry well after we begin to speak.

So often, couples can treat confrontation like a hand grenade—pop the pin, let it fly, and run for cover.  But biblical reproof is not some kind of commando raid.  It’s careful, committed, surgical care for the soul.  A good surgeon is committed not only to the operation, but to post-operative care as well.  Why does this require courage?  Because God’s purpose for reproof is not to achieve a hassle-free marriage but to inspire repentance unto godliness.  And repentance and change, friends, simply takes time.  When sinners say “I do,” we must be committed to the entire process of helping each other grow in godliness through life. (127)

 I think we could learn a lesson or two.

When Sinners Say I Do – Chapter 3 – “The Fog of War and the Law of Sin”

Key Ideas:

This chapter is about better understanding the nature of sin and learning how to respond to it.

The nature of sin is war. Sin creates war—war with God, war with others, and war within yourself. (46)

War with God (Rom. 8:7; James 4:4; Rom. 5:10)

War within yourself (Gal. 5:17; Rom. 7:23)

War with others – like, say, your spouse (James 4:1-2)

The cause of our marriage battles, friends, is neither our marriage nor our spouse. It’s the sin in our hearts—entirely, totally, exclusively, without exception. (51)

Our real opponent is not on the opposite side of the bed, but within our hearts. (58)

(Reminder: Dave Harvey did a number of short videos summarizing the contents of the chapters. This video covers chapters 2-4.)

When Sinners Say I Do - Preface (and the point of the book)

Marriage is the union of two people who arrive toting the luggage of life. And that luggage always contains sin. Often it gets opened right there on the honeymoon, sometimes it waits…We must not ignore our sin, because it is the very context where the gospel shines brightest. 

Which leads me to the point of this book. When Sinners Say “I Do” is not a depressing thought. It recognizes that to get to the heart of marriage, we must deal with the heart of sin. A great pastor once said, “Till sin be bitter, Christ will not be sweet.” …

I think there’s a powerful application for marriage here: When sin becomes bitter, marriage becomes sweet. When the sin we bring to marriage becomes real to us, then the gospel becomes vital and marriage becomes sweet. (15-16, emphasis mine)

Related quote from a bit later on: 

What if you abandoned the idea that the problems and weaknesses in your marriage are caused by a lack of information, dedication, or communication? What if you saw your problems as they truly are: caused by a war within your own heart? (29)

Ponder the following texts with specific application to your marriage:

• James 4:1-12  
• Galatians 5:13-26