How Healthy is Your Marriage?

Kevin DeYoung provides 10 excellent diagnostic questions. I've edited and abbreviated them slightly.

1. Do you pray together? While I do know of good marriages where the husband and wife don’t pray together nearly as much as they would like, I don’t know any bad marriages where the husband and wife pray together all the time.

2. Do you still notice each other? Is there any chance anyone would ever catch you noticing your spouse as attractive?

3. Do you ever hold hands? In the movies? On the couch? Walking around the block? During prayer at church? In the car? We all love to see old couples holding hands. It always made me feel good as a kid to see my dad reach for my mom’s hand while driving. If this simple act of affection is missing, more may be missing than you realize.

4. When is the last time you said “I’m sorry”? Not as an excuse. Not with a snarl. But a sincere, tender, broken-hearted apology.

5. When is the last time you said, “Thank you”? I’m not talking about politeness when passing the salt. I’m talking about a specific expression of gratitude for doing the dishes, for letting you sleep in, for working hard to provide for the family, for watching the kids all day, or for making your favorite meal.

6. When is the last time you planned a surprise? Do you still surprise each other with gifts, with special outings, with a kiss out of the blue, with coming home early?

7. When is the last time you embarrassed the kids together? Children should roll their eyes from time to time because of how silly mom and dad can get. They should see you dancing, see you kissing, see you acting utterly goofy. The kids will hate it, but deep down probably love it too.

8. When is the last time you went out and talked about something other than the kids? You don’t have to spend money. You can go on a walk...

9. What would others think about your spouse just by listening to you speak about him or her? 

10. Do you think more about what you aren’t giving or about what you aren’t getting? We all get hurt in marriage. We all get disappointed. ... But as you think about what needs [work] in your marriage, are you fixated on your spouse’s deficiencies or your room for improvement?