One of Bethel's dear saints, Ginger Strobert (Sam's mother), died and went home to the Lord on April 10th. Beth formed a very sweet relationship with Ginger in her final years, and wrote up some of her memories in the days after Ginger died.
She had no intention of sharing her memories broadly. It was mainly because she didn't want to forget Ginger. But for one reason and another, she's been asked a number of times to pass it along. And a number of people have been blessed by it, so I thought I would post it here.
There are a lot of lessons here. My dear wife is so gifted in loving people in Ginger's life situation. I've learned much from her. I'm guessing you might, too. I hope at the very least that you learn a little more about Ginger, her faithful God, and how to love people in her situation. It also does us good to prayerfully think a little more about dying in faith, just like Ginger.
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4/11/15
(So our family won't forget…)
Yesterday the Lord took a dear friend of mine home to glory.
Ginger and I got to know each other at church when I had a newborn and spent
Sunday after Sunday with a blanket on the floor in the foyer so I could listen
to the message over the speaker system. Ginger, almost 90 years old at the
time, always sat in a chair in the foyer as well, and thus began our
friendship. I was drawn in a special way to Ginger because just 4 years prior I
had lost one of my best friends at 93 years old--my own precious grandmother.
As time passed, that
little newborn at her feet became a toddler, and we began to have regular
breakfast dates with Ginger. One of my favorite “dates” with Ginger was when we
left the restaurant after breakfast and headed over to the Mall on a mission to
buy her some boots for the approaching bad weather. Ben (2 y/o), even
after being reminded over and over that we were shopping for “boots”, was
determined to sell Ginger on some high heel shoes :-). She never
corrected him. As he piled the shoes on her lap, she just laughed over and
over, kindly accepting his offers of style advice! (We did end up finding some
boots, by the way :-)!)
As time
went on, our friendship grew. My other kids would take turns coming with me for
a visit. If her family went out of town, we would check in with her daily,
until their return. She became a surrogate grandmother/great-grandmother.
In July of 2014, Ginger was admitted into Forwood Manor. The
intent was that it would be short-term. However, as the Lord would have it, she
never left. She was then 92, with congestive heart failure, and beginning to
have trouble with circulation to her feet. The lack of circulation lead to
sores that wouldn't heal, and pain that made walking and being “independent”
not possible. She made the decision not to go through the surgery that may have
improved her heart function, because, in the end, the surgery and recovery may
have been harder to walk through than simply embracing the time she had left.
Besides, she was “ready” to be with her Lord! So, Ginger went on hospice in
July of 2014. Over the next 8 months we talked nearly everyday, usually for
about a minute. If I was busy and couldn't answer, she would just leave a quick
voicemail...just a quick update. On Saturday nights, I would come and do her
“bedtime” routine, and we would talk a bit longer and end the night praying
together.
Our time together would go something like this:
“Oh, hi dear! How are things going? … How is the
family?" I would pull out my phone and show her any pictures I had
taken during the week and she would light up to see the kids.
Then began her routine... “Ok, would you check the heat? Make sure that it’s at 70-72,
and the fan is on medium.” I would get her up to the wheelchair and take her to
the bathroom.
Then she would say, “Ok, now I think we'll start with my teeth...” (Of course
we will, we ALWAYS did, but I let her tell me the order of our regular routine,
just so she felt in charge :-), it was the only independence she had left.)
Then she would remind me of the time when one of her aides
asked her if she takes her teeth out or leaves them in to brush them....and how
confused she was by that question. "What is she talking about?!"
Ginger thought to herself. Well, naturally the aide assumed that at 93 year
old, Ginger wore dentures. Oh how it made her laugh to recall that story! She
didn't know that most women her age don't have their own teeth anymore! Ginger
had all of her teeth, and now realized that it was something to be proud of :-).
(I attribute her oral health to her regular routine of rinsing with hot water
before and after brushing her teeth. I think I need to adopt that practice!!!)
After we would take care of bathroom duties, it was
time to get back to bed. We would lotion her hands and face, put Chapstick on,
and a little Vicks vapor rub on the bridge of her nose. Then it was time to
arrange the bedside table: two cans of ginger ale, opened, with straws in them,
and a Styrofoam water cup (with ice) only half full (or it was too heavy to
pick up). Her graham crackers needed to be opened and within reach for 11pm
(change of shift always woke her up, so she wanted a snack:-)). Her call light,
bed control, phone and remote had to all be in their proper place. The
TV was to be turned to channel 249 (The Weather Channel), muted, then turned
off, so that when she turned it on in the morning, her day started with a
weather report. Then it was time to pray…
For many months, I would just pray. I would pray that she would
"Run with endurance with her eyes fixed on Jesus...keep the faith and
finish strong.” I would pray that God would make Forwood a mission field for
her! I would pray Number 6:24-26 over her. Occasionally we would recite Psalm
23 together. It was our chance to share God’s truth with roommates and anyone
walking by, because Ginger was VERY hard of hearing, so I had to nearly yell my
prayers! J
We made many fun memories during this time. One came not long
after her one (and only!) trip to the hair salon at Forwood. She did not have a
good experience, and did not care to go back. When the time came for another
haircut, she didn't know what to do. So, she asked if I would cut her hair. I
brought over scissors and a curling iron and a bottle of hairspray and gave her
a "new do." She was like a kid in a candy shop! We set her hair
weekly for about a month after that, until she decided it was too high-maintenance and had me cut it really short J.
As the months progressed, she became bed-ridden. The only
part of the routine that changed at this point was the move to diapers, which
she bravely embraced with such grace. It was hard, but she joked, “I came into
the world in diapers, and now I’ll leave the world in them. Funny how things
come full circle.”
A couple of months ago, another change in routine occurred.
She began wanting to pray with me, so she would open and I would close. That
was when I started to get an even clearer glimpse into her relationship with her
Lord. Prior to that, she talked openly about God with anyone who entered the
room. She offered the "Our Daily Bread" devotional to anyone who
would take it. One of her roommates accepted one from her and her daughter
consequently got her nose bent out of shape. She was obviously not happy with
Ginger’s evangelistic efforts toward her mother! Ginger told me of the many times
a day when she would look up at the ceiling tiles and talk to God. Ginger did
not fear death. Everyone knew it. They were challenged by her example.
We often talked about God, how much she missed church, and
how much she missed taking communion. Nevertheless, those prayer times were the
most precious. It was there that I got to hear her thank her God
for saving such a sinner like her (her words). She would openly say, "God,
I don't understand why you still have me here, but I don't question you! I
trust you." She would pray for her mission there at Forwood and thank him
for being such a loving and patient God.
In the last couple months, our talks got longer. I brought in
pictures of my grandmother and we discovered some sweet similarities between
the two of them. They had both sat out in the “foyer” at church in “their”
chair to listen to the service. They both loved carrot cake. They both loved
golf, and both lost their husbands before their 63rd wedding anniversary.
Crazy! (They also both died at 93.)
Ginger began to share more details of her life, starting from
the age of 17 when she had a love for horseback riding. Stories of her
different boyfriends, and how her husband of 62+ years had "broken
in" on a dance at a party one evening (not knowing that she had a promise
ring on her finger from the boy she was dancing with!). After the dance and a
call later that week, the promise ring was gone and she later married Sam. When
they were newly married, Sam entered the Army. Ginger moved from base to base
with him, getting a new job at each one in order to be with her husband. They
went on to have one son, Sam. After leaving the military, they were constantly
busy. She said that Sam (Sr.) always had to be doing something. They opened a
used car dealership, then sold it and built a golf course named Wildwood
Country Club in upstate New York. Ginger tended the bar and Sam ran the front
desk. It was a LOT of work. They would close down the course for the winter and
reside in Florida for the winter months.
After 35 years, they sold the golf course and moved
permanently to FL. Ginger said that was when her Sam started to deteriorate.
Sam died after they had been married for 62 years. Ginger remained in Florida
in the same community for years after his death. She fondly recalled her
beautiful home and the three-wheeler she would ride around her subdivision
to visit her friends. After a time, she felt guilty that her son was having to
travel all the way in Florida to see her, so she decided to move up to Delaware
to a condo down the road from where Sam and Janet lived. She began attending
Bethel when she moved up from Florida, which is how God crossed our paths.
Listening to her stories was fascinating, but I was most
blessed by her transparency about her sin and humility to admit that almost her
whole life was not lived for God. She spoke of her shortcomings, failures as a
wife, mother and mother-in-law...her regrets....things she would have changed.
But the beauty of it all was that it was SO clear that she had repented of it
all and embraced the mercy of God to forgive a sinner like her. She was
OVERWHELMED by his grace. She embraced His sovereignty and never questioned her
pain or the dying process. She was looking forward to heaven! She had the peace
that only comes from knowing Him. I know people in their 40's who feel they can't come to God and receive forgiveness for the sins they've committed.
They’re too ashamed to come to Him. They want to “get their life together” and
“have something to offer Him.” How hard would it be to look back on 90+ years
of life and trust God's forgiveness. Truly awesome. She DID NOT take that grace
for granted!
Two weeks before she died, her pain was increasing and she
was feeling "awful". For the first time, she didn't want me to brush
her teeth (and she HATED going 12 hours without brushing!). My eyes began to fill
with tears. Her arms were too heavy to lift (her body had begun to fill with
extra fluid... "third-spacing," we call it in the medical world). Her
"routine" came to a close. I did not receive my daily call around 9am
that week. I called her and there was no answer. When I came over for what turned
out to be our last Saturday night together (the night before Easter), she could
barely talk. She couldn't handle the light from my phone...so no pictures were
shown. She told me she couldn't feel anything. She asked me slowly, with
breaths between each word, what it would be like… I knew she was talking about
heaven. I opened to the end of Revelation and began to read, trying desperately
not to cry. When I finished I sang "What a Friend We Have in Jesus,"
"Jesus Loves Me," and "Amazing Grace" in her ear. I was
thankful that the room was dark. I quietly cried as I faced the end of our
friendship on earth.
I returned to see her after church on Resurrection Sunday
hoping there would be a little "rebound," because I selfishly wanted
to talk to my friend again. I knew the pain of losing a friend like her (I
had been there and done this with my Grandmother). There was no rebound. The
end was near.
That night, Chris and I went back to visit Ginger. Chris
stopped by the church to pick up a communion kit he uses to administer
communion to shut-ins. We didn't have grape juice, but I told him it was no
problem. They always have a pitcher of juice on a cart in the hallway at
Forwood, with some snacks to choose from for the residents (I share this,
because I love how God micro-manages His universe!!!). The juice that was
sitting on the cart that night (which was usually something that looked like
watered down cran-apple or diluted red Kool-Aid), was a huge pitcher of
straight-up Welch's Grape Juice!!! I almost started to cry! God had prepared
the way. It’s not that we HAD to have undiluted grape juice for communion, but
you can see how this was encouraging.
We entered the room and Ginger labored to open her eyes.
Chris leaned over and kissed her on the forehead and told her that he loved
her, and that he wanted to serve communion to her. She mustered out the
words, "Love.....you.....too. You....take....it....with....me?" “Yes.
Of course we will! Gladly!” How appropriate it seemed to share communion together
on Resurrection Sunday! So, the 3 of us took communion together. She ate
the bread, and drank the cup and listened while Chris prayed... Then she
said, "Thank you." (pause, breath) "Thank you." (pause,
breath) "Thank you." Chris talked of heaven and how maybe they could
play golf together there... She said, "You'd......beat.....me ;-)."
He then said, "Maybe, you, me, Beth and Gidge (my grandmother) could play
as a foursome?" To that she opened her eyes and cracked a smile with a
slow wink…. That was the last smile we got to see.
I was told that, by Monday, Ginger had stopped eating and
talking. I visited her for the last time on Wednesday. I gave her lots of
kisses on the forehead, and told her again how much I loved her and how I would
miss her.
I received a text on Friday that she had gone to be with the
Lord.
Psalm 116:15:
Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints.
I love you Ginger. We will miss you. Thank you for being my
friend.
Your friend,
Beth
