WSSID Ch 7 - Pt II: God Pursue - Through You

I love Harvey’s perspective on their encounter in 2 Samuel 12.

There are two amazing dynamics at work in [the story of Nathan’s confrontation of David]. First, God pursues sinners. God’s love is relentless. Even when we are blinded by sin, he refuses to let go. God pursues David with a tireless love. Second, God uses sinners to pursue sinners. Nathan, like David, was a man prone to the same temptations and failures as David. But God had given Nathan a ministry in that moment. He was a sinner called to help another sinner become reconciled to God. (116-117, emphasis mine)

It is a humble privilege and a sober responsibility to be a reconciliation-tool in the hand of our loving, sinner-pursuing God (see 2 Corinthians 5:17-21)! This is so important to have that orientation. We’ve always got to check our motives when we feel the need to confront someone about their sin. The glory of God, through loving rescue and reconciliation, is the goal. The goal is not winning an argument or gaining lost ground or proving your point or getting your way.

Harvey packs into this chapter a bunch of wisdom on why we pursue this ministry of reconciliation. The following quotes are worth reading with care. 

• Our love ought to follow the love of God in one point, namely, in always seeking to produce reconciliation. It was to this end that God sent his Son. (117, quoting C.H. Spurgeon, emphasis mine) 

• Interesting, isn’t it, how sinners who say “I do” exist in an ironic biblical tension?  We are called to be merciful and withhold judgment.  But we are also called to challenge one another—to correct, exhort, and speak truth to the one we love (Hebrews 3:12-13). This can seem like a paradox, even an apparent contradiction in our call. But it’s not. On the contrary, God has set us in our marriage, at this time, with this person so that we can perform an extraordinary task of ministry. We can fulfill the call of reconciliation—turning a wandering believer back to the God who saves. We can love by bringing truth in gracious ways; applying grace through speaking the truth. When we do this ministry, we not only fulfill the role of Nathan, we represent our Lord Jesus Christ, who came and dwelt among us, full of grace and truth (John 1:14). (120, emphasis mine)   

• I don’t want my spouse to be convinced by my earnestness, as if my good intentions could confer any power to change.  I want my loved one to turn to God in repentance, if he or she has indeed sinned.  I don’t want my words to make a spouse feel “caught” in sin, because I don’t want to create a temptation to be more concerned with fixing a problem than encountering God.  Confrontation is not a “gotcha”event.

I want my spouse to encounter the Holy Spirit, sent to convict the world of sin (John 16:8), and thus to experience the cleansing and faith-inspiring work of godly sorrow over sin.  This is what we see in David as the gravity of his sin begins to dawn on him.  “I have sinned against the Lord” (2 Samuel 12:13). (129, emphasis mine)

• Your spouse’s sin is not first about you, it may affect you, but the most important thing it reveals is your spouse’s relationship with God.  A meek spouse seeking to help the other will make that relationship with God the first priority.  He or she will recognize that the ultimate hope for change lies in a response toward God, not a capitulation to the spouse. (131, emphasis mine)

You may be convinced of the importance of this kind of spiritual surgery. Now, let’s look at how to do it.

WSSID Ch 7 - Pt I: We All Need A Nathan

What do a prophet, a king, and a story about a ewe lamb have to do with marriage? Chapter 7 opens with the story of the prophet Nathan confronting King David about his sin with Bathsheba.

You can refresh your memory by first reading the story in 2 Samuel 12:1-14.

This chapter reminds us that

…when someone close to you is running from the truth, love demands that you speak. Sometimes love must risk peace for the sake of truth. (116)

Wisely, Harvey did not put this chapter first. He knows that we are natural-born finger-pointers and we can patrol for speck-crimes like a cop on the beat. Before we are ready to take up the scalpel and do spiritual surgery on our spouses, we’ve got to humbly submit ourselves to spiritual surgery. Chapters 1-6 helped us do that. They had us focus in on our own sin and up on our merciful God before we focus out on our spouse’s sin.

Others of us have a different problem. We don't feel like we ever have the right or the place to address another person's sin. We are painfully aware of how short we fall and feel like we would be hypocritical or arrogant to attempt to do so. Or, we think we might do more harm than good.

The skills we possess seem so inadequate, we wonder if it wouldn’t be less traumatic to the “patient” to do nothing at all. (121)

Truth be told, we also fear such encounters and like the path of least resistance. We don't want to upset the other person or deal with the potential fall-out from such a confrontation. In this case, we are governed by our fear of (wo)man.

Indeed, true biblical wisdom will often have a courageous edge to it, as we walk in faith, seeking to please God in all things. It might seem that life will be easier if we take the timid path of avoiding certain uncomfortable truths or winking at selected sins, but we always reap what we sow (Gal. 6:7-9). … If we avoid confrontation, we’ll just get confrontation anyway, because sin unaddressed is sin unconfined. In an attempt to preserve peace, we sow war. (126-127, emphasis mine)

So, we must know our tendencies – to attack or to avoid – and we must learn to walk the Christlike road of courageous care. Nathan walked that road. And we will need to walk it for our spouse. And our spouse will need to walk it for us.

Do you have a Nathan? Does your spouse have a better Nathan than you?

We all need a Nathan. We all need someone who can discern a slow drift or a rapid freefall from God, look us in the eye, and say, “You are the one.”

It is inevitable. In navigating through a fallen world with a sinful heart, from time to time your spouse will experience a pattern of sin that extinguishes joy and saps the soul, revealing dangerous corrosion in one’s character or relationship with God. Perhaps, just like David, your spouse will even be locked in denial and doing everything possible to hide the truth. Such sin cannot, must not, go unaddressed.

Look around. Who can play the Nathan role for your spouse? Who will take on the ministry of reconciliation? This needs to be someone appointed by God, close enough to see, and humble enough to be concerned more about God’s righteousness than about people’s opinions. There’s really only one likely candidate: You.

What will you do in those times when truth is absolutely necessary? What will you do when your spouse needs a Nathan? (117-118)