Husbands: How to Come Home

You've had a long day. You're on your way home. You're probably tired and hungry and want some food and peace and quiet. You might want to veg out in front of the TV and not have to think about or respond to or deal with anything. 

But...

...If you're married, your wife probably wants to talk. She may have had a bad day, or she may have some concerns she needs to talk out, or she may "just" have a honey-do list and some attendant expectations. She may not have gotten to everything in the house and it's not the perfectly ordered kingdom you want it to (always) be.

...If you've got kids that are still in the home, they may want dad for one thing or and another. They may want to spit up on or climb on or play with or read with or throw the ball to or talk to you. They may want to show you their latest Lego creation or art project. Or, they may be a little older and want to be left alone in their room or in their earbuds. 

Should you come in and bark at the little ones nipping at your heels so that they will quietly heel at your heels? Should you ignore your wife, maybe covertly by saying "uh huh" periodically even though you haven't heard a word she's said? Should you retreat to the man cave or the bathroom or the garage? 

Husbands (and fathers), we will very naturally come home empty and spring-loaded to selfishness. How do we fight that selfish set of the sails? How do we tack into the wind of needs in our homes? How do we come home set to serve and help and lead and protect? And how to do we do it from the heart, not with a "I'm such a sacrificial martyr" and "you need to know how much this is costing me" huff and puff?

You want "peace" and comfort.

You should serve and help and lead and protect.

Let me suggest a simple two 'R's' strategy. In the moment of temptation to selfish, save-your-life retreat and avoidance:  

1. Recognize that Jesus IS your peace and comfort (not food or TV or newspaper or porn or whatever)

There's nothing wrong with being hungry and wanting food. It's a good gift from God. But it's not a good god or source of peace and comfort.

There's nothing wrong with watching some sports or the news (though most TV is a waste of life at best and more often like a steady drip of intravenous worldliness that anesthetizes your soul) or reading the newspaper. But it's not a good god or source of peace and comfort. It will actually make you more restless.

There's everything wrong with porn. If you don't recognize that Jesus IS your peace and comfort and your soul is groping for peace and comfort, you're going to be extremely vulnerable to the deceitful lies that our sensate culture sells. You'll sit lifeless in front of the TV, grunt something in response when your wife tells you she's going to bed, and then heap burning coals into your lap as you channel surf "out of curiosity" or surf the web, hoodwinking yourself into thinking that you're not trolling for some titillation.

None of these things will ever BE your peace and comfort. They simply can't. They aren't able to deliver. Only Jesus IS or can be your peace and comfort. You need to recognize that IN THE MOMENT OF TEMPTATION. 

2. Run to Jesus AS your peace and comfort (not to food or TV or newspaper or porn or whatever)

You ARE going to run to SOMETHING when you're troubled or restless or irritated or angry or frustrated or anxious or disappointed. What do you tend to run to? Alcohol? Food? TV? Your phone? Movies? Work? What you run to is what you believe will deliver peace and comfort. And none of the above ever will. You need to, you must!, run to Jesus AS your peace and comfort.

In the moment of temptation, when you turn FROM Jesus to other functional deliverers, you will also turn FROM those in your home that you are called to love and serve and lead and protect. When you run TO Jesus as your peace and comfort (and strength and joy, etc.), his grace will fill you and empower you to run TO those in your home that need your love and service and leadership and protection. And you'll be running in the strength He supplies (sans huffing and puffing).

Here's the summary: 
* Spring-loaded to selfishness.
* Strong winds of family need blowing.
* You want to sail away.
* Stop and recognize that Jesus is your comfort and peace. No fleeing. There is grace for this.
* Run to Jesus as your comfort and peace. Sometimes this is as simple as praying in the car on the way home. Sometimes it's as simple as throwing up brief prayers for grace as the needs come your way and you want to fight or flee.
* Start tacking into the wind of needs.
* The Spirit will blow and fill those sails.
* And the peace of Christ will begin to rule your heart...and begin to fill your home.

You Can't Please Everyone

It's been said a million times, "You can't please everyone." And yet many of us try, often over-committing and running ourselves into the ground, or compromising our integrity to keep people happy. Everyday the desire to please will drive you. How do you decide who to please, when you can't please everyone?

The Bible has a lot to say about the matter, but let me simply suggest two texts to hold onto - one for each hand - as you walk this treacherous road.

1) Galatians 1:10

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.

2) 1 Corinthians 10:33

just as I try to please everyone in everything I do, not seeking my own advantage, but that of many, that they may be saved.

Ray Ortlund, Jr. wisely puts these two texts together like this (emphasis added):

[H]ere is now [the Apostle Paul] reconciled his desire to please people, on the one hand, with his deeper desire to please God, on the other. When Paul faced a choice between pleasing himself and pleasing others, he pleased others. When he faced a choice between pleasing others and pleasing God, he pleased God.

From his seminar given at the 2011 Gospel Coalition National Conference entitled, "Justification versus Self-justification."

Wondering (or Worried) About The Debt Ceiling?

Here's a helpful little list of FAQs on the debt ceiling debate, from a Christian perspective.

Crazy Busy Quotes

A few months ago, Crossway sent a pre-publication copy of Crazy Busy: A (Mercifully) Short Book About a (Really) Big Problem by Kevin DeYoung. The book became available on Monday.

I know you might feel like you don't have time for another book, but let me encourage you to check out this one.

First, by means of a fun little promo video:


Crazy Busy - Kids' Edition from Crossway on Vimeo.

Second, a dozen quotes to coax you to make time in your crazy busy schedule to read the rest of this helpful little book:

"The presence of extreme busyness in our lives may point to deeper problems--a pervasive people-pleasing, a restless ambition, a malaise of meaninglessness. 'Busyness serves as a kind of existential reassurance, a hedge against emptiness,' writes Tim Kreidel in his viral article, "The 'Busy' Trap," for the New York Times. 'Obviously your life cannot possibly be silly or trivial or meaningless if you are so busy, completely booked, in demand every hour of the day.' The greatest danger with busyness is that there may be greater dangers you never have time to consider." (32)

 "...the truth is, you're only indispensable until you say no. You are unique. Your gifts are important. ... But you're not irreplaceable." (36)

"Let's face it: people feel sorry for us when we're busy. If we get our lives under control, we won't seem nearly so impressive and people won't ooh and aah over our burdens. Many of us feel proud to be so busy, and we enjoy the sympathy we receive for enduring such heroic responsibilities." (37)

"As I try to discern what's people-pleasing, self-aggrandizing pride, and what's genuine service to others, I try to keep in mind this simple question: Am I trying to do good or to make myself look good?" (39)

"What's important...is to think about what really ought to matter compared to what really is mattering. ... We will have to work hard to rest. ... We will have to make it our mission to stay on mission." (57)

"Rather than figure out what to do with our spare minutes and hours, we are content to swim in the shallows and pass our time with passing the time." (82)

"Peter Kreeft is right: 'We want to be harried and hassled and busy. Unconsciously, we want the very things we complain about. For if we had leisure, we would look at ourselves and listen to our hearts and see the great gaping hole in our hearts and be terrified, because that hole is so big that nothing but God can fill it.'" (83)

"The biggest deception of our digital age may be the lie that says we can be omni-competent, omni-informed, and omni-present. We cannot be any of these things. We must choose our absence, our inability, and our ignorance--and choose wisely. The sooner we embrace this finitude, the sooner we can be free." (88)

"Many of us are less busy than we think, but life feels constantly overwhelming because our days and weeks and years have no rhythm. ...one of the dangers of technology is that work and rest blend together in a confusing mush. We never quite leave work when we're at home, so the next day we have a hard time getting back to work when we're at work. We have no routine, no order to our days. We are never completely 'on' and never totally 'off.' So we dawdle on YouTube for twenty minutes at the office and then catch up on emails for forty minutes in front of the TV at home." (92)

"When thinking about busyness, people talk as if hard work is the problem. But we're not actually in danger of working too hard. We simply work hard at things in the wrong proportions. If you work eighty hours a week and never see your kids and never talk to your wife, people may call you a workaholic. And no doubt you're putting a lot of effort into your career. But you may not be working very hard at being a dad or being a husband or being a man after God's own heart." (98)

 "Effective love is rarely efficient. People take time. Relationships are messy. If we love others, how can we not be busy and burdened at least some of the time?" (105)

"Like many of you, I can look at my busy life and not know where to start. I wish I exercised more, and ate better, and kept track of my receipts, and programmed the presets in my car, and had my files in order, and knew where those little thingies for the basketball pump were, and in general didn't feel like I was walking the knife edge of craziness all the time. My temptation is to tackle everything at once. Or nothing at all. But the best plan is to start with Jesus' plan. ... We won't say no to more craziness until we can say yes to more Jesus. We will keep choosing dinner rolls over the bread of life. We will choose the fanfare of the world over the feet of Jesus. We will choose busyness over blessing. (114, 118)

The Question Is Not Whether You Will Die

I recently listened to John Piper's biographical message on the life of Adonirum Judson. It is a powerful message and I highly recommend the whole thing. His closing line is ringing in my ears and I hope it rings in yours. It begs for prayerful pondering.

The question is not whether you will die, but whether the death you die will bear much fruit.

John 12:24-25

Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.

Personal Testimony To What We Need When We Suffer

R.C. Sproul, Jr. recently lost both his wife and his daughter within 10 months of each other. In the midst of our series on suffering, this 20 minute interview is a worthwhile and very moving testimony to what we need when we suffer.



HT: JT

Racism And A Cross-Shaped Dagger

I read this excellent quote this morning in the devotional booklet we'll be giving out at our upcoming Men's Retreat.

Chris Anderson quotes J.D. Crowley on "Day 26" entitled "The Gospel Precludes Prejudice":

"The gospel drives a cross-shaped dagger into the heart of racism."

Amen! May King Jesus, killer of racism, continue to plunge this dagger into the heart of his church and raise blood-bought unity to life!

You Need to Know Why You Otherwise May Have Never Known Chris Norman

Let me highly recommend that you watch this video by Desiring God. It recounts how Michigan State star linebacker Chris Norman turned his back on a promising NFL career to follow Jesus. It is SO encouraging!



"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." Jim Elliot

HT: JT

John Barros - Proverbs 24:10-12

This video found here made me weep with sorrow and shame and encouragement and conviction. Do you doubt that standing outside of an abortion clinic can do any good? Meet John Barros. God has used him to rescue 1,000 babies, and minister to countless women in crisis. What honor is due a man who willingly embraces such shame, to rescue souls from death. How like our Savior!

When You Don't Like Your Job

Recently we've been studying the book of Job on Sunday mornings in our series on suffering. The catalytic question of the book is found on the lips of Satan in mocking challenge of God's assessment of his servant Job:

Then Satan answered the LORD and said, "Does Job fear God for no reason? Have you not put a hedge around him and his house and all that he has, on every side? You have blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land. But stretch out your hand and touch all that he has, and he will curse you to your face." (Job 1:9-11)

Satan is saying that Job is an religious mercenary. He claims that Job "fears" and "trusts" and "loves" and "worships" God because God has given him so many gifts. Were God to take them away, Job's fair weather faith would be exposed and he would curse God. His fear of God is suspect precisely because his life is so circumstantially blessed. How can it be clear that Job wants God for God when he has it so good?

So the challenge begins. Is God worthy of fear and trust and love and worship "for nothing," that is, for who he is in himself alone -- even if all else is taken away?

If you've read this far, you're probably wondering what in the world this could have to do with advice for someone who doesn't like his or her job (yes, you read the title correctly the first time - this post is not about not liking the man from Uz). Here is the connection.

The main reason you are in your present place of employment is to glorify God (because that is the main reason for existence, and everything in it! 1 Cor. 10:31). So, how do you magnify the glory and worth and goodness of God in your job? There are lots of ways. Doing your work with excellence. Refusing to be a slave of expedience and the bottom line and genuinely striving for good goods and services that really do have your clients' good in mind. And on and on. But the one I want to focus on is your attitude - of heart, in speech (what you say and don't say), in body language, etc.

If you had your dream job surrounded by a bunch of people who thought you walked on water and with whom you just loved to work, if the compensation was more than you could ask for and the benefits were great, if the work environment was always healthy and positive and growth was always up, up, up, then guess what? Your contentment and joy and gratitude would be suspect. Is he or she so happy because of God or because of enviable employ? Who needs grace to be gracious in an environment like that? Who needs supernatural support to stay away from slander and the gossip mill when there is no temptation? Who needs grace to be content and patient and grateful and joyful when the world is your oyster? Who needs grace to keep from complaining when there's nothing to complain about?

Job's faith was not mercenary. And yet God tested him sorely in order to make that fact abundantly clear (and to purify him to make him shine even more like gold). Job's life magnified the worth of God precisely because he didn't curse God when everything was taken away.

If you don't like your job, Job would like you to know that you have a unique opportunity to magnify the worth of your God. You can show even more clearly that your joy and contentment and gratitude and peace and hope and life are not dependent on a dream job. They are dependent on the God of Job.