Marital Dance Lesson in the Bathroom

Beth and I were in the bathroom this morning getting ready. She anticipated something I was about to do and responded so smoothly it was like we had choreographed and rehearsed it. I remarked as such. She said something like, “Marriage is like a dance. We’ve been married long enough to learn how not to step on each other’s toes.” I smiled. ‘Tis true. I’m grateful. She left to help get kids ready.

I started thinking about the “not stepping on each other’s toes” idea. You don’t learn to dance by focusing on how to avoid your partner's toes. You learn to dance by learning the steps. I wonder how many marriages are too focused on toe avoidance.

“Don’t want to rock the boat.” 

“Don’t want to hear her nag.” 

“Don’t want to get him angry.” 

“Don’t want to bring THAT up again!”  

That is no dance. It’s walking on eggshells.

What if we focus positively on the biblical steps of the dance that is Christian marriage? What if husbands regularly stiff-arm the impulses to passivity and proactively lead and serve their wives? What if wives repeatedly put up the hand to negativity, nagging and a critical spirit and practice the steps of honor and respect and willing support? What if we practice, over and over and over, the “dance steps” of, say, Colossians 3:12-17?

Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

If we do, I think we’ll step on each other’s toes a lot less. And when we do get stepped on, we’ll forgive, and even, at times, be able to laugh it off. Loving your partner will be more to you than avoiding the pain. And learning to dance – even to enjoy it! – will be more to you than merely being skilled at sidestepping. 

We Are Christ's Bride - Do You Believe It?

The Church is the bride of Christ. This biblical metaphor is pregnant with implications for us. We considered a few of those implications yesterday in our "Faith in the Local Church" series.

As you continue to ponder these truths this week, I encourage you to read Ezekiel 16 and the book of Hosea. We didn't have time to consider those passages, but they are powerful revelations of the husband/wife dynamic between God and his people.

Here are a few more quotes that are well-worth pondering:

Ray Ortlund, Jr., in Whoredom: God's Unfaithful Wife in Biblical Theology:

To sum up, human marriage is premised in the making of the woman out of the very flesh of the man, so that the bond of marriage reunites what was originally and literally one flesh. All other relational claims must yield to the primacy of marital union. It requires an exclusive, life-long bonding of one man with one woman in one life fully shared. It erects barriers around the man and the woman, and it destroys all barriers between the man and the woman.” (23, emphasis mine)

From The Enduring Community: Embracing the Priority of the Church, by Brian Habig & Les Newsom: 

Christ did not love the Church because He came to her and found her beautiful.  He loved her despite her obvious foulness and, in His love, has achieved her beautification.  He did not do so for an abstract, imaginary bride.  He did so for real, earthy believers—the same people that are to be found, and should be found, in the local church. (77, emphasis mine)

Donald Whitney, in 10 Questions to Diagnose Your Spiritual Health: 

Because of love, a fiancé will often go to great lengths to be with his bride-to-be. (See Gen. 29:20) On an infinitely grander scale, Jesus made an incomparable journey from Heaven and worked for more than thirty years for the delight of His eyes, the church (Eph. 5:25-27). (82)

What to Do If You Wake Up Feeling Fragile

I love this devotional by John Piper. Chuck Barmore recently sent it out to the group he sends daily devotionals. I commend it to you for the sake of buoyant faith, with ballast.

When Women Lust

A good post over at The Gospel Coalition on an issue that is under-addressed.

Sabrina's Testimony

In a recent update letter, the Campbell's (our missionaries in Paris, France), shared a video link with this note:

Some awesome filmmakers from our mission (GEM) recently made a video depicting the testimony of Sabrina, one of the French nationals we've been training and discipling here. Her story is nothing short of miraculous, so please share this liberally, however and wherever you can.

Here it is:


Why I Live: The Sabrina Kébli Story [English] from GemStone Media on Vimeo.

The Gospel in Less Than 30 Seconds

Last Sunday, Pastor Tyler challenged us to learn how to share the gospel in 30 seconds. I asked him if he'd be willing to give us a sample of what that might sound like. He took up the (his!) challenge. You can watch him do it here, and then go give it a try yourself!

Provoking 1 Peter 3:15 Question At Work

On Sunday, Pastor Tyler mentioned several excellent points from a blog post by Pastor J.D. Greear. If you want people to ask you "for a reason for the hope that lies in you," why not think of ways to provoke that curiosity in your co-workers? Greear collects 26 ideas for how you can do just that. I'd encourage you to read the whole thing. You can find it here.

Jon Bloom on The Priceless Grace of Pressure

Beth pointed out this post by Jon Bloom this morning. It's a really wise word. Here's a taste to whet your appetite:

Pressure is one of the more resented of God’s graces.

I’m not wired to appreciate pressure. But I am wired to need it. I find that when the pressure is on, I often wish it were off. But I also find that when the pressure is off, I tend to waste more time. I have a persistent misconception that I am more creative when the pressure is off. But, while that may be true for a few things, as a general rule it has not been my actual experience. Necessity tends to produce resourcefulness. Deadlines tend to induce creativity. Leisure tends to induce indulgence and procrastination. 

... 

He “knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust” (Psalm 103:14). And so he gives us some seasons of green pastures and still waters (Psalm 23:2). But rarely as many as we would wish. And often not when we think we need it. God knows far better than we do when we really need refreshment when we need to be pushed. It is precisely because God knows our frame, and what kind of dust we really are, that he mercifully doesn’t relent the pressure — because when the pressure is off, we have a tendency to forget our need for God (1 Samuel 12:9;Revelation 3:17). Our proneness to wander is curbed by the priceless grace of pressure.

 I'd encourage you to go and read the whole thing.

BOM for August - The Total Money Makeover

Here's the BOM for August:

Many of you are probably familiar with Dave Ramsey. You may have listened to him on the radio. You may have attended one of his Financial Peace seminars. There are lots of other resources on his website. You can sign up to receive his e-newsletter, where you'll regularly receive very practical articles like "12 Numbers That Can Change Your Bank Account for the Better" or "10 Ways Your Thriftiness May Border on Theft."

Ramsey is a Christian, but a lot of what he writes is stronger on the nuts and bolts of $, debt, budgets, etc., and not so strong on the nature of and motivation for biblical stewardship and giving. This book is like "Proverbs on Money." It's not a full blown biblical theology of money and giving. In order to round out the picture a bit, I'd encourage you to read a book like Randy Alcorn's Treasure Principle. It's nice and short, but a powerful summary of biblical stewardship and giving, based primarily on Matthew 6:19-24.

That said, Christians can understand the concepts of Matthew 6:19-24 and biblical stewardship, and yet never really get down to practicing the wisdom and restraint of budgeting, avoiding debt, saving and planning, or practicing the grace of generous and regular giving. For instance, how many of you "know" budgeting is important? How many of you are actually "on" a budget and using it every month? I hope Ramsey's book will help us in these very practical and helpful ways.

Interview with Sam Allberry About His Book, Is God Anti-Gay?

We highlighted Sam Allberry's book, Is God Anti-Gay, in July. Here's a brief and helpful video interview with the author, Sam Allberry. He introduces the book, discussing why he wrote it and some of the significance of the issues raised in it.