You Know You Do

Go on. Admit it. You talk to yourself. You know you do. We all do. More than we realize. And what we say to ourselves is way more influential than we'd probably admit.

Paul Tripp's recent "Wednesday's Word" blog post is a really helpful word for those of us who talk to ourselves too much, and not enough. Don't miss the reflection questions at the end!

Follow Up to Sunday's Passage on Partiality

Whitney Miller pointed out this post to Tyler as a great follow-up application to James 2:1-13.

Title: "What Do Unbelievers Really Need to Hear When They First Enter Your Church?"

It starts out:

It’s Sunday morning. You’re standing near the front doors, greeting people as they arrive. Then you notice a new couple walking in, a single child in tow. It’s obvious this is their first time. They don’t greet anyone by name. They stand out of the flow of traffic, hesitantly, with a touch of awkwardness, unsure what to do next. A great chance to welcome a new family! you think. So you go up, introduce yourself, and ask how they found out about your church. “We read about your parenting class on your website,” they tell you. “We could use some parenting help! We don’t believe in traditional marriage, but ever since we decided to live together four years ago we’ve committed to be the best parents we can be for our son.” They smile. You cringe. What do you say?

What would you say?

Where Is Biblical Counseling Most At Home?

Bill Armstrong recently sent me the link to a great article on biblical counseling in the local church. You can read it here. It's written by David Powlison, one of my favorite sources for wisdom in the biblical counseling realm. He lays out 5 advantages to counseling taking place and being centered in the local church. 

Here are advantages #2 & #3 to encourage you to read the whole thing: 

Here is a second advantage. It is a premise of biblical counseling that people are not just “problems.” They are not defined by a “diagnosis.” People come with gifts and callings—from God himself. They have a new identity—in Christ. All of us are given a role to play in the greater whole: regardless of physical or mental abilities, or education, or age, or any of the other human differences. ... The call to serve others brings dignity, purpose, belonging, identity, and participation. A woman coming out of drug addiction and poverty was moved to tears of gladness by the simple fact that she was personally invited to help another family in need. She contributed five meaningful dollars and a Saturday morning to helping them. Instead of being seen just as a “needy, troubled” person, she, too, could give, and it meant the world to her. 

Here is a third advantage. Anyone can help anyone else. God delights in apparent role-reversals. Counseling in a church context is far richer than “designated expert” meets with “needy client.” I’ll never forget a story that my former pastor, Jack Miller, told about his sister-in-law. She was mentally disabled and lived with him and Rosemary, his wife. As a result, “Aunt Barbara” was a natural part of the church body. One day on the way to church, Jack was grumbling about the rainy weather. Aunt Barbara, in her simple 5-year-old way, said to him “But Jack, the sun is always shining. It’s just behind the clouds.” God used that like a lightning bolt. God is always shining, no matter what his providence displays on the surface. Out of the mouth of a woman with a child’s mental life came words of faith that blessed the pastor of a church of 800 people. That’s the body of Christ!

As Powlison says at the end of his article, professional parachurch biblical counseling has its place. We are immensely grateful for the ministry of people like Jeff Stark. But we also must embrace the centrality of the local church for biblical counseling. All Christians are called to encourage one another and bear one another's burdens. We all need wise counsel and this should and will happen very informally over coffee, in our home groups, while moms are talking at the playground, etc. There are also times of deeper struggle when you need someone who is especially committed and equipped to provide this kind of counsel in the church. Along with the pastors at Bethel, there are several others who are committed and equipped for this kind of ministry. If you're looking for someone to meet with, please let me know and I'd be happy to recommend one of them to you.

It's very appropriate that Bill sent this article, because he and Barb live out this vision in their own commitment to biblical counseling in our local church. They take this role so seriously that they invest a week each year to get further equipped by attending the Biblical Counseling Training Conference at Faith Church in Lafayette, IN. They also encourage others to go along. They just returned from this year's conference, having taken two ladies along with them. Maybe you should consider joining them next year!

What Is Gossip and What Do I Do With It?

We've only made it through chapter 1 of James in our Sunday series, but we've already seen repeatedly that James has much to say about the tongue (see 1:9-10, 13, 19, 26; 2:3, 12, 14, 18; 3:1-12; 4:11-12, 13, 15-16; 5:9, 12). Our speech, as Jesus said (Luke 6:45), reveals our hearts.

One of the sins of the tongue that James is aiming to kill is gossip.

What is Gossip? 

Kent Hughes gives some wise guidance in his excellent book, Disciplines of a Godly Man (HT: JT):  

Gossip involves saying behind a person’s back what you would never say to his or her face. Flattery means saying to a person’s face what you would never say behind his or her back.

Let's "receive the word with meekness" and take aim with James at our own hearts and speech.

Prov 26:20-23:

For lack of wood the fire goes out, and

where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases.

As charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire,

so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife. 

The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels;

they go down into the inner parts of the body.

Like the glaze covering an earthen vessel

are fervent lips with an evil heart.

So, how do you know if what you want to say is gossip? As you examine your own heart, apply the "face" rule and the golden rule:

The "face" rule: If you wouldn't say it to their face, don't say it to someone else's face.

The golden rule: Would I want someone to say this about me to someone else?

And how do you know if what another says to you is gossip? What do you do when someone begins to feed you gossip morsels?

Hear and heed this wisdom from Ray Ortlund, Jr.:

What is gossip? It is not necessarily false information. Slander is false. Gossip might include true information, and maybe that’s why gossip doesn’t always feel sinful. What makes it sin is, first and foremost, that God says it’s sin. But gossip spreads what can include accurate information to diminish another person. That is not how people behave when they are living in the power of the grace of God.

...

What should we do when a conversation starts slipping into gossip? We should immediately challenge the sin: “Hey friend, sorry to interrupt, but this is gossip. So here’s the deal. This conversation is now on hold until you go get _________, and then you can start over and say whatever you feel you must say right to his face. I am willing to be a witness to that conversation, but I will not participate in gossip. What do you choose to do?” Amy Carmichael established this rule at her mission station: “Never about, always to.”

And his fitting conclusion: 

“Let all things be done for building up” (1 Corinthians 14:26). Therefore, let’s always ask ourselves, “These words about to rise up out of my mouth or go out through my keyboard – do they build up? Am I being constructive? If the person I feel like discussing were here with me right now, how would his presence change what I feel like saying?”

The Pride in Self-Pity

I read this quote by John Piper on Sunday in our series on the book of James. For those of you who would like to read it again and ponder it further, here it is.

Christian Hedonism combats pride because it puts man in the category of an empty vessel beneath the fountain of God. Philanthropists can boast. Welfare recipients can't. The primary experience of the Christian Hedonist is one of helplessness and desperation and longing. When a helpless child is being swept off his feet by the undercurrent on the beach and his father sweeps him up just in time, he does not boast; he hugs.

The nature and depth of human pride are illuminated by comparing boasting to self-pity. Both are manifestations of price. Boasting is the response of pride to success. Self-pity is the response of pride to suffering. Boasting says, "I deserve admiration because I have achieved so much." Self-pity says, "I deserve admiration because I have suffered so much." Boasting is the voice of pride  in the heart of the strong. Self-pity is the voice of pride in the heart of the weak. Boasting sounds self-sufficient. Self-pity sounds self-sacrificing.

The reason self-pity does not look like pride is that it appears to be so needy. But the need arises from a wounded ego. It doesn't come from a sense of unworthiness, but from a sense of unrecognized worthiness. It is the response of unapplauded pride.

Christian Hedonism severs the root of self-pity. People don't feel self-pity when suffering is accepted for the sake of joy.

From The Dangerous Duty of Delight

We Are Set On "Self-Destruct"

A prophetic quote from the late Malcolm Muggeridge:

. . . it has become abundantly clear in the second half of the twentieth century that Western Man has decided to abolish himself.

Having wearied of the struggle to be himself, he has created

his own boredom out of his own affluence,

his own impotence out of his own erotomania,

his own vulnerability out of his own strength;

himself blowing the trumpet that brings the walls of his own city tumbling down, and, in a process of auto-genocide, convincing himself that he is too numerous, and labouring accordingly with pill and scalpel and syringe to make himself fewer in order to be an easier prey for his enemies;

until at last, having educated himself into imbecility, and polluted and drugged himself into stupefaction, he keels over a weary, battered old brontosaurus and becomes extinct.

—Malcolm Muggeridge, Seeing Through the Eye: Malcolm Muggeridge on Faith, ed. Cecil Kuhne (Ignatius Press, 2005), 16.

HT: JT

Plan Your Spiritual Diet For 2014

Matthew 4:4

[Jesus] answered, "It is written, 'Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.'"

Do you have a plan yet to feed your soul in 2014? Here is a great list of really helpful options. This is not a box-checking, belt-notching issue. This is not a earn-brownie-points-with-God issue. This is a soul health issue. This is a "Will I live a barren, chaff-like existence or fruitful tree-like existence in 2014?" issue.

If you're not a big reader, there are plenty of audio options available. Biblegateway.com is a good one, with audio available on several versions. You can even subscribe to your daily Bible reading in podcast form (see again this link to learn how to do it). You can really leverage the audio option if you've got any kind of commute above 5 minutes.

Believe it or not, it only takes 75 hours to listen to the entire Bible! In other words, if your commute is 15 minutes one way, you could listen to the entire Bible...in one year...listening on only the inbound or outbound leg of the journey! Or, how long does it take for you to make the coffee and eat breakfast? 15 minutes? One year. The whole Bible. Over breakfast. The news can wait.

Isaiah 55:1-3:

Come, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and he who has no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread, and your labor for that which does not satisfy? Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good, and delight yourselves in rich food. Incline your ear, and come to me; hear, that your soul may live...

I Heard the Bells

Love this song:



Merry Christmas! Through JESUS there is and can be PEACE on earth!

McGarvey Christmas Letter

Dear Friends and Family,

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

I don't know who "they" are, but they say a picture is worth a thousands words. We're going for a serious "word count" this year by letting a slug of pictures tell our 2013 story.

It all started by ringing in the New Year (no, our kids are not wine-bibbers...that's grape juice):

So, what did 2013 look like for us?

I don't know about your house, but oftentimes our kids are literally bouncing off the walls:

If you visited the kitchen, you might see this (thankfully, Ben has yet to have his evening bath via the rinse cycle!):

Or this:

 
Speaking of the McGarvey kitchen:

Okay, that was totally unfair. Beth is a great cook. And can you really trust this guy's taste buds? He's been known to have a propensity for pigskin! And toe jam! And garden tools!

Seriously, God provided our daily bread EVERY DAY in 2013! How easy it is to take that for granted! To simply take it as a given, as if it is a right and not a gift. Every meal is a gift. What grace to be able to say grace 3 times a day 365 days a year! We are grateful!


Ben started walking in early 2013:

We had TONS of interesting visitors in 2013.

Batman flew in...er, on.

Spiderman swung by.
It took awhile to clean up what the Webslinger's slung.
Sticky stuff. Goo Gone is the trick.

Darth Vader darkened our door.
He's much shorter in person.

This is Stan. He's a starfish. He's Italian (with a pretty strong accent). He's quite the globetrotter, but he periodically visits our kids on Saturday mornings if he's on the East Coast.

The Janho's came all the way from Seattle so Steve could get some Chick-fil-A.

Grandparents came to visit (YEAH!):

Ben typically plays pretty nice...

The kids love playing card games with Ama!

But here's what happens if you try to take his yellow truck. He flipped Papa Judo-style and pinned him in no time flat. Notice that Papa is no longer holding the yellow truck. Ben would like you all to know - Papa never tried that "Can I see your truck?" trick again.

Nana with the girls, when we visited Longwood Gardens

Enjoying a coffee date with my sweet momma

There were dance parties:

There were injuries:

Hannah. Bike chain.

Mommy's eye got a little too close to Ben's finger.

Be careful around the treadmill - esp when your 6 yr old brother is using it when he shouldn't be (we've got to give him credit though - he thought enough to shut the thing off before running to get us).

There were fortuitous discoveries:

Ben, Do you like beef jerky?

"Mmmm...Beef jerky!"

There were house projects:

Sam learned a little plumbing, and in the process started a new dance craze. It's all the rage.

There were epic battles and fell deeds:

There were arts and crafts:

Caption contest! What is Sam thinking and saying in this moment?

Beth is my "excellent wife [whose] lamp does not go out at night." In addition to trying to keep up with the perpetually rolling foothills of laundry and the incessant culinary demands of this growing brood, she has, among other things, enjoyed hosting her ladies Bible study group and coaching Hannah's basketball team.

Hannah is now in (and enjoying) youth group, loves volleyball, basketball, a variety of other athletic activities, as well as arts and crafts of all sorts. Along with all the other kids, summer vacation in Grand Haven, MI topped the "favorites" chart. She loves racing down the dune and all the fun on the beach. She did not love the deer tick we found one day on the base of her skull!

Sam is...Batman (see above). He loves action movies and Lego's and has grown in his appreciation for weapons and munitions of all sorts (he would LOVE to get his hunting license). For you Duck Dynasty fans out there, he'd love to hang out with Uncle Si sometime.

Lily is still our sweet, energetic, athletic flower. She can be found climbing a tree, planting flowers and garden varieties or tending the flora, role-playing the teacher in "school," roller blading, jumping, bounding, and smiling. She had been begging for awhile to play the violin, and finally got her wish this year!

Jono can oft be found sporting camo attire, gloves (we're not sure what that fixation is all about), and/or a superhero suit. In his own words, he likes "the Steelers (I did not prompt him!), Lego's, Sunday ('Why, buddy?' 'You know, cuz church!'), Jesus, candy, Christmas. Yeah, that's about it." I believe that was a stream of consciousness answer, not in order of priority.

Ben is a two year old, one man wrecking crew. He loves dirt, sand (esp in MI on vacation - his words were, "feels good...touch it...toes"), John Deere, cha-lock-a-late, big tractors, trains, and trucks.

All that and we've just scratched the surface! There was so much more in 2013. There have been lots of ups and downs and challenges and heartaches, but most of all there have been megatons of the mercy and grace and faithfulness of God!

It's hard to believe we've already been in DE four and half years. We are very grateful to God for moving us here. We love our church family. Chris is so thankful for the sobering privilege of being a pastor here. In that role, and in all we are and do, we've seen more clearly than ever our great need for the all-sufficient grace of our God.

We are SO thankful for the Lord Jesus! He is the only reason God's all-sufficient grace is ours for the taking. We have no right to it apart from his life and death and resurrection. He is everything to us, and so we love to celebrate the Advent (coming) of our Savior!

Why did he come?
John 10:10-11:

... I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.

Why did he lay down his life?
Isaiah 53:6:

All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned--everyone--to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.

Why did the LORD lay our sin on him?
1 Peter 2:24-25:

He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed. For you were straying like sheep, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.

What happens when we return to the Good Shepherd?
Psalm 23:1-6:

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

THAT is "good news of great joy...for all the people!"

With much love,
The McGarveys
Chris, Beth, Hannah (13), Sam (11), Lily (9), Jono (6), Ben (2)

Motherhood

Celebrate motherhood. Honor mothers. It's incessant, hard, wonderful work. This is a beautiful tribute.



Proverbs 31:15-31

She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household... Her lamp does not go out at night. ... She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: "Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all." Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.

HT: JT